I’m an Asshole

Or else this is what you get for being stupid:

My best friend from forever, Chrissy, studies at UMass Amherst. That's where I am now. Shannon, my best friend from college, came too. Chrissy lives in a sweet little apartment with a bunch of other girls and they had some of their girls come over for a party last night. I couldn’t live with this many chics - I have no patience for girls – but Chrissy seems to be ok with it. However, when their friends arrived, she realized all the girliness was getting to me so, as the amazing hostess she is, she suggested, "Let's us three go somewhere quiet."

Shannon Chrissy & I retreated to the TV room with a bottle of wine. We had hardly poured our first glass when the other girls discovered us. They came rushing in in a parade of shrieking laughs and unrelenting giggles and perfect hair and lipstick and nails. This one girl, Razz, is ridiculously wealthy and loud and I knew from the first handshake that she was the type of girl that despises me. Of course, I didn't do much to help that...

She burst in with flowing locks and all of a sudden collapsed virtually on top of Shannon. Shannon had never met her before. Shannon is also the type of girl who hates to be touched (not even big into hugs and such, unless it's with someone she's really close with) so immediately I had to smirk. We were chatting about birthdays and this Razz brought up the fact that she had an uncle who was born on leap year so he's technically only 16 or something. And then in her loud, thick, New York accent - hands flaring animatedly about her in an effort to emphasize her thoughts - she said (these words exactly) :

"It's so stupid. Leave it to the Americans to come up with something as stupid as Leap Year. I mean, it's not like they have leap year all over the place."

It just took me over. I immediately began silently shaking with laughter, bending my head low as to not let anyone see I was just flat out laughing at her.

But she didn't stop. She kept insisting that only stupid, ignorant Americans would actually celebrate (apparently one celebrates it) leap year. The more she pushed it, the more (silently) hysterical I grew. I was trembling with laughter now, burying my face in my glass, hoping no one would notice me. I couldn't stop or breathe to correct her, or comment at all. Finally I was laughing so hard I had to leave the room and she noticed and goes, "Wait, am I like wrong or something? Do like they not have like leap year in like Europe and stuff?"

I was around the corner in the kitchen hiding my face in my hands still listening to her words. No matter how much I tried to stop, I couldn't quit laughing. Honestly though, I still can't keep from laughing every time I think about it. I'm literally laughing as I type this. I am an asshole.

Or else that’s really funny.