Dreams that may never come true... and Realities that suck

All I can think about is going back to France. And, on that note, getting out of my parents’ house.

It’s not that I don’t love my family… I just love my own space more. I value my independence, I liked being a homemaker, and I sure as hell wish I was closer to the city so I could actually go out and have a life again. And not spend over $175 less commuting.

And France – well, my heart’s always been in la France. Paris, Camarat – they’re both so ceasingly appealing to me. I just can’t imagine not spending most of my days this summer writing and taking pictures on some golden beach in the Côte d’Azur… Tequila won’t be nearly as white. I love my job too much to just quit and go again, so I’ve decided I’ll take a 10 day vacation in September, visit the family and friends in Paris and the south, and suck it up for the rest of the winter. Then next May, I’ll quit, take a wonderful immersion/photography class in Paris for a month (something I’ve found at AUP and dreamt about doing for years), then travel to the south for a week-long vacation. When I return, hell – who knows what I’ll do. Probably follow my best friend, who will have graduated at that time, to whatever city she decides upon.

But no matter how tightly I budget, no matter how much I deprive myself of fun in the name of saving, no matter how little I pay for food and basic utilities – it’ll never be enough to get me an apartment and send me back to France. Originally I had planned to just sublet in Boston this summer and then move home next year to save, but I’ve lived in Mendon for less than four months and I’m already miserable, and have been going crazy for a while. Can I really live at home again? For nine months? Can I pay rent and still save money?

Not too long ago, I attended a MassINC event with the author of STRAPPED: Why America’s 20- and 30- Somethings Can’t Get Ahead. It was the story of my life. I learned a lot, mostly that I wasn’t alone… and there’s not much I can do about being young and poor, aside from working a billion jobs. It’s interesting though; my generation is struggling much more so than any other generation did to make a life for ourselves, to afford rent, pay off school loans, save any kind of money. The middle class is shrinking, making it increasingly difficult for us to break in, and increasingly easy for our parents to fall out of… especially since they’re too busy supporting us. Seriously, many baby boomers are having a terrible time doing the things they want to do – like save for retirement – because they’re paying for our sorry asses while we try and make ends meat. It’s sad, isn’t it?

That’s all I got for now. And this is what I get for waking up at 7:45am on a Saturday with naught but a calculator, pay stub and a dream…